ECP Episode 322: Kukla, Fran and Ollie - "Working at Glockenspiel's Department Store" (November 10, 1950)
Fanfic Friday returns as Kukla and Ollie contemplate getting a real job
What I watched: An episode of the early children's show Kukla, Fran and Ollie. The series starred the titular Fran Allison, with all other roles being played by series creator and puppeteer Burr Tilstrom. "Oliver Dragon, Interior Decorator" was directed by Lewis Gomavitz and aired on Friday, November 10, 1950 at 7:00 PM on NBC. Video is available on the official KFO YouTube channel.
What happened: Ollie asks Linwood the time and paces around, asking about the newspaper, which has still yet to arrive. Cecil Bill finally delivers it, but Ollie can’t really navigate it with only his mouth, so he gets Linwood to come on screen and find the “help wanted” ads for him. Kukla asks if he’s leaving, but Ollie says he just wants a little extra money to buy Christmas presents. Boy, I hate how Christmas starts in November now.
The two puppets both search the wanted ads and, as you might expect from the episode title, find an ad for holiday salesmen at Glockenspiel’s Department Store. They ask Fran for help parsing a sentence about employee discounts. Fran sounds uncertain about them applying, saying that they need training. Naturally, they decide to role-play, with Ollie portraying the boss Mr. Glockenspiel, complete with a long tie and suave voice.
As Glockenspiel, Ollie makes Kukla undergo a physical exam and interrogation. Fran gets offended when he asks about her age and weight. Both of them are signed up for the training course, bypassing the customary psychoanalysis. This course naturally involves singing, with Fran giving a spirited rendition of the store theme song, set to “O Christmas Tree”, as well as another song whose source I didn’t catch.
Glockenspiel lets Fran know he’s available for dates, because this was about sixty-five years before Me Too. He goes into a spiel for the new RCA television sets. They go into another Christmas song parody, this time a somewhat awkward adaptation of “Jingle Bells” to be about RCA record players. Beulah pops up, and she’s also auditioning for the job of elevator operator. Well, don’t get too attached to it.
Fran tries to show off her skills by speed-wrapping a package, but it ends up looking like a mess. Still better than my Christmas wrapping jobs. Ollie tries to show her what to do with a “simple arrangement” involving elaborate feathers. This leads into another pitch for the Happy Mother Goose album, and a rendition of “Little Jack Horner” and other songs beginning with “Little.” Kukla and Ollie decide they don’t want to work at a department store any more, but promote a local appearance in Chicago.
What I thought: Steve had left it too late to buy presents as usual. He had intended to do it in early November, but then Sally had needed money for the class field trip, and then the car had needed to go into the shop, and now he finally had enough money but he was sure the stores would be stripped clean.
He stepped into the elevator at Glockenspiel’s, having already searched Field’s and found little. He had never shopped here much – too ritzy, but in a kind of sweaty way. He entered the elevator and nodded to the operator. “Where do you keep your toys?”
“Top floor,” said the operator, throwing the lever. It was a woman, unusually, and there was something witchy about her that Steve couldn’t quite put his finger on. He kept his eyes fixed on the changing numbers. He was a married man, after all.
The elevator cranked and climbed its way up to the top. When they reached the floor, the operator opened the gates to let Steve out. He got out and looked to the counter, only to find it empty. Great.
“Hello sir!”
Wait, where had that voice come from?
“Sir, we’re down here.”
Steve craned his neck down to the counter. He hadn’t seen them at first. There, sitting behind the counter was a little man and a small dragon.
“Are you fellows lost?” said Steve.
“No, we’re the salespeople,” said the dragon.
“What are you looking for today?” said the little man, who looked a little like a clown.
“Toys,” he said. “I have a son and a daughter. I love them, but I never know what to buy.” It was more revealing than he usually would have been with strangers, but somehow these two disarmed him.
The clown-thing brightened up. “Well, why don’t you try one of our new Howdy Doody dolls? A lot of people say bad things, but he’s actually a really nic e guy. And the doll is good too.”
“And for the girl, you should get her a Barbie doll!” said Ollie, gesturing over to a stack of boxes. The boxes had shiny packaging the likes of which Steve had never seen before, and dolls which were just as strange but alluring.
“Ollie,” the clown loudly whispered. “We’re not supposed to be selling those yet.”
“Well, get ‘em now and your kids’ kids will love them,” said Ollie. “And then your kids’ kids’ kids will have a very complicated relationship to them.”
Steve hesitantly scooped the two dolls’ boxes into his arms. “I also need something for my wife. Obviously not in this section, but... do you have any recommendations?”
“Well, have you heard of the new RCA Victor television and record player?” said Kukla. “All in one cabinet. And with RCA—”
“A television set sounds a bit large for a Christmas present,” said Steve. “And besides, I heard there’s nothing good on there anyways.”
“Why, I oughta---” the dragon said.
The clown held him back. “Well, how about a new Ford?”
“A car? Do you even sell those here?”
“How about some Sealtest ice cream?”
“I think she would get suspicious about a wrapped box in the freezer.”
“We’re out of sponsors, Kukla,” said the dragon.
The clown sighed. “Well, buy her some perfume or something. It should be on the second floor.”
“I don’t think we’re going to last much longer as salesmen,” said the dragon.
That Christmas, the children loved their dolls, while his wife gave a muted response to the perfume. Steve couldn’t stop thinking about those two strange little creatures, and whether or not he had just dreamt them. He wondered what they were doing now.
Coming up next: We take another journey to the low-budget future with Tom Corbett, Space Cadet.
Thanks for watching! All the songs played are listed in the note included with the show.
"Glockenspiel Loyalty Song" (sung to O Tannenbaum)
"Our Boys Will Shine Tonight" (Glockenspiel Will Shine Tonight), Traditional
"The Gift for the 25th Day of December is the RCA Victor 45 Commercial" - Jack Fascinato (m), Burr Tillstrom (l)
"Little Jack Horner/Little Bo Peep/Little Boy Blue" - Jack Fascinato (m), Traditional (l) From their recording “Happy Mother Goose”